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LostMyOnly
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« on: July 13, 2010, 09:48:54 PM » |
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I just completed reading the book but during the entire process I had to deal with a flood of mixed emotions, mostly anger. My only son was killed about 3 years ago. He sacrificed his life to save a young girl and her infant son, during a drive-by on the streets of Washington DC. I am proud of his heroism, while at the same time I cannot understand why he had to die. The book may have evoked less anger if Mack had been in my position, the father of an "only" child and alone with no support system. My life has been overflowing with tragedies and disappointments, and losing my son was the final straw for me. All that remains is suffering and I am so tired of the grief. And, oh the irony... he was conceived in violence (rape) and taken from me in violence. So, the book has done nothing to heal my grief, my suffering, but I do understand how it can help others. I purchased it for a dear cousin who's known less hardship but who has lost two of her three children--one as an infant and the other just a few years ago as an adult; and I will recommend it to others if and when I believe it will help them.
The most positive for me was the confirmation of so much I have believed about the Father, the trinity, the church, etc. It was reaffirming, although not very useful to me anymore because I'm at the lowest point I've ever been in my so-called life, and it's getting worse. I sleep with a gun and the loaded clip beside it, trying to get comfortable with my plans to end it all when the time comes.
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Dave
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« Reply #1 on: July 13, 2010, 10:57:25 PM » |
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Dear Mixed emotions, Man, I hardly know how to start this letter to you. I am so sorry for what you have been through. I would find a support group, or a grief recovery group and be around some people that have been through their own tragedies and seek help within a group. Does that make sense to you? You really need friends around you. Around here there are celebrate recovery groups that do help.
If I lived near you, I would be over there knocking on your door, to be a friend to you, best I can do here is this letter. There will be others talking to you to, so please stay with us. God be with you my brother. I am praying for you. Dave
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When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find that God is all you need.
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LostMyOnly
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« Reply #2 on: July 14, 2010, 12:11:32 AM » |
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I'm a woman, Dave, but thanks anyway.
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Dave
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« Reply #3 on: July 14, 2010, 01:00:11 AM » |
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Sorry, I misunderstood. Dave
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When there is nothing left but God, that is when you find that God is all you need.
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claireangel
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« Reply #4 on: July 14, 2010, 01:03:52 AM » |
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I am so sorry. Nothing I say will make you feel better, but just wanted to let you know I will pray for you.
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arus
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« Reply #5 on: July 14, 2010, 04:46:45 AM » |
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Hello Lost, welcome here. I am so very sorry for your loss. As Claire said, nothing I can say will change how you feel or bring back your son. Do you have any friends around you that can help you through this time in your life?
Why don't you just hang around with us for a while, and see if we can help you?
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In the cracks of an earthquake, new flowers grow.
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LostMyOnly
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« Reply #6 on: July 14, 2010, 07:44:20 AM » |
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It's okay, Dave... My user name isn't gender-specific. Claireagnel, thank you for the prayers but after all I've been forced to endure, I don't think He's listening or is "especially fond of me." And, no Arus, I have no one and I have learned to trust no one on this planet--not a soul. Totally alone.
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arus
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« Reply #7 on: July 14, 2010, 07:51:50 AM » |
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Awww, I'm so sorry  I used to be like that too with the trust issue. He is listening my friend, you are just in too much of a bad place to hear Him. I wish I could help you. |
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In the cracks of an earthquake, new flowers grow.
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Joe
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« Reply #8 on: July 14, 2010, 10:06:36 AM » |
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Don't give up hope Lost... there is always hope if nothing else... now that you have come here and told us your story, you can no longer say you have no friends... we are here... and I know it's not the same as having a friend knock on your door, or invite you out for coffee or just sit and listen... but we are here... some of us are always here... and many of us have been through similar trauma... though you seem to have had more than your share of grief Lost... we are here to listen... so share your anger... your pain... your anguish... your hurt... we will honor it... because I think papa sends only the strongest of souls here to earth to bear such suffering as yours... If you will pull up a chair and join us we will listen... and share our stories too... I know it's not much, but that has to give you some hope? I will light a candle for you dear... think of it when you feel lonely... Much Love Always joe  |
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Lisalove
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« Reply #9 on: July 14, 2010, 11:30:46 AM » |
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All I can say is I am sorry for your pain. I know I have been to the edge like that. More than once in my life. Your pain though, losing a child, I have not been through, thank god. If you can, like other's suggest, try to find a support group where others have gone through the same thing. We are here for you.  |
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Judy
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« Reply #10 on: July 14, 2010, 11:51:05 AM » |
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I can't even imagine your pain, Only, but I care about you. The others are right, in that we have all suffered things over the years. And while they pale in comparison to yours, they were more than we could bare alone at the time.
I'm sending you a virtual hug until I can hug you in person some day.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((Only)))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))))
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The Greatest Gifts often lie on the other side of fear.
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palapala
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« Reply #11 on: July 14, 2010, 12:19:15 PM » |
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I too wish I could be there with you. Your son was a hero and sounded like he was very brave. The world does not have enough of them. I know that he would want you to go on living and not be so sad and angry. You have a huge group here that care and will listen to you. Praying for you
Barbara
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irishgeorgie
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« Reply #12 on: July 14, 2010, 05:07:13 PM » |
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Hi LMO, just want to add my support for you to that of others,
as would said what we have endured may not of been as great as what has been handed out to you, at the time of going through it, it was a much as we could bare and more at times (or seemed so).
We are all here for you, call by again when you want or need to, messages, posts on your thread, what ever you need to do, go for it, we will all do our best, I pray that that will be enough to help you.
God is there. He is beside you, tell him how you feel about him, shout, heck scream at him if you want, he can take it, and he wants you to talk to him, he wants a relationship with you, and that means sharing the good times and bad, (all this was said to me at a time, hope it helps you)
Take care
((((((((((((((((((((((((LostMyOnly))))))))))))))))))
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zetabarb
Barely not a Newbie
 Offline
Posts: 3
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« Reply #13 on: July 14, 2010, 07:58:45 PM » |
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I don't have words to add; other than - I am praying for you. If you can, try to get into a support group of mom's who lost their children due to violence. Check out this site - http://www.mothersincharge.org/ |
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arus
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« Reply #14 on: July 15, 2010, 02:34:58 AM » |
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Hello Lost, just checking in on you today.
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In the cracks of an earthquake, new flowers grow.
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