About me

[Heartbroken]

i was given The Shack to read my my Home EC, yesterday because over the past year i have been through a lot I lost my boyfriend and My best mate to suicide and now one of my other best mates is going the through a rough time over my other two best mates dying.i have really struggle with my faith or lack there of because my boyfriend was Christian and slowly in his own way he was showing me God.  but on the day he died i completely forgot about God and started to hate him for everything that had happen and after my boyfriend died my best mate just couldn't handle losing his best mate either. s he gave up, i must be honest and say that i to have gone down that road and I'm still on it. my parents don't know for a good reason i don't regret what i have done and given the chance i would do the same excepted i would have try to get my mate  the help he needed.  I read the shack this morning and things became clearer about Gods reasons for what happened and why they were taken from me.I'm not sure where too go from here, my family's not Christian and i have been against God for so long its going to be hard for me fully understand, but I'm standing at the cross roads of whether to do what my mates have done, to stay with this hurt thats bringing me done day by day, do i turn to God or do i just try to forget everything. thats what I'm trying to figure out 

[Papa Dont Preach]

Heatbroken... hang in there my friend... we are here to listen if you need to talk... tell us what you saw in The Shack that made you want to post here, despite your sadness... despite your anger at God... despite the feeling that no one understands what you are going through or how bad it is...  many of us have known great sadness... and I know we can help...

[arus]

Heartbroken, you poor thing.  You have been through such a lot, in a very short space of time, so I think it is no wonder you are feeling so lost.  LIke Joe said (the guy above me!), hang in there... talk to us.  We can, and will help you if you are willing to let us try.  Just don't give up - Papa is just aching to hold you and give you the biggest hug ever.  Talk to us.....

[Chris T]

Heartbroken - You have come to the right place my friend. Papa is not angry with you...He wants you to offer up your fragile broken heart...He will give you a new one. You don't have to believe in Papa...Papa believes in you...Come all who are weary and heavy laden and I will give you rest. May Papa's wonderful grace and mercy set you free my new friend of the journey  

Let's talk some more

Welcome,

Chris

[Heartbroken]

thanks, i guess what stood out was the fact that Papa said that he didn't plan for bad things to happen and that he can make good out of them. but how may i ask do u get good out of people around you dying, how can this be better, i know i should trust Papa, but it doesn't help that i have trust issues, how do i learn to trust again after so long of just not trusting anyone or anything. I've heard about everything that God can do, but i still question things is that normal or am i just looking for something to blame all of this on? Help Please!!!!!!!

[Papa Dont Preach]

HeartBroken... if it helps any. I struggle with these same questions... I don't have answers, but I have had little windows opened that have shed light on my own great sadness. They might not have any meaning to you, because they are personal to me and my family... but they have begun to make me see that good has come from what I have been through... though mostly it seems senseless and frightening... that the world can turn on you so suddenly and shatter all the things you believe in... but I do know that such things change you to very core and open doors that can't be opened any other way...

The only thing I would say is that if you can wait... take in the pain... reach out to others... that in time a meaning will come... for you and you alone a meaning will come.

There is a song... 'Calling all Angels' by  Jane Siberry that came to mind when I thought of all that you have been through... Below are the lyrics and here is a link to the song...


A man is placed upon the stairs, a baby cries
and high above you can hear the church bells start to ring.
And the heaviness,  the heaviness all settles in and
somewhere you can hear a mother sing

Then it's one foot then the other as you step out
on the rough road
You step out on that road
How much weight,  how much?
Then it's how long, how far
and how many times before it's too late?

Calling all angels ~ Calling all angels
Walk me through this one; don't leave me alone
Calling all angels ~ Calling all angels
We're tryin' and we're hoping
but we're not sure how....

And every day you gaze upon the  sunset
with such love and intensity
Why it's almost as if, oh,  if you could only crack the code
then you would finally understand what this all means

But if you could...do you think you would have
traded it all for the pain and suffering?
Ah, but then you would have missed the beauty
of the Light upon this earth and the sweetness of the leaving

Calling all angels ~ Calling all angels
Walk me through this and don't leave me alone
Calling all angels ~ Calling all angels
We're trying,  we're hoping
We're loving and  we're hurting
We're crying,  we're calling
'Cause we're not sure how this goes

~Calling All Angels~

[jen1970]

Hi heartbroken,

I'm Jen, I want to welcome you here to our wee community.  Your story is so touching. I've also been in that place, 'should I, shouldn't I'?  PLEASE DON'T my lovely!

Sometimes when the world is spinning around you in a vicious onslaught, all you can do is hold onto Papa and believe the words he says about you.  I was discussing the father heart of God and the mother heart of God with a wonderful friend, he defined them like this;

Fatherheart: The Father sent out the search party in the far country for your heart.  He held NOTHING back.  Not even his own son.  One of his was down and he was going to find her.

Motherheart: The Mother that binds up the wound, and checks it later to make sure it isn't infected.  Puts on the bandage but makes sure it isn't too tight.  She is up before you, and goes to bed after you.  Like a LION if you are in harms way.


Heartbroken, you are so much more precious than you could ever imagine, as were your dear friends.  Don't worry if your place in life, doesn't seem clear, or understandable right now.  Keep reaching for Papa, he's always near. Papa's father and mother heart are for you.

I'd love to pray for you if that's ok?  You are in a safe place here, to be yourself, to rage, to cry, to put your hands out for help.  There are people on this forum who has suffered immense tragedy and pain.  We will gather around you and uphold you.  Like Chris said, lets talk some more.

You have done so well so far to articulate your pain.  I pray that there are an army of angels surrounding you and holding you up when you feel weak, holding your head against them and wiping your brow, when it feels like your head might explode from all the worry and questions.

Sending you a giant sized cuddle from downunder. 

Jen x

[Heartbroken]

Thanks for the hug Jen and its ok if you want to pray for me, evryone who knows about my problem, can't and don't seem to understand whats happened and only my Home Ec teacher and two of my best mates now that im at the cossroads and they are trying to help and well, things aren't easy for them either and i have been there for them and everyone else who has needed a shoulder to cry on, but at school lately one of my friends has been having seizures for three years and me and my other best mate(she doesn't know) have been there for her and now shes making a big joke about her being suicidal when yes she has medical problems and things and the doctors don't know whats wrong with her, but she had a fight with a friend of mine and now the girl who has been having seizures is friends with my friends younger sister just to annoy my other friend. but shes taken it to far and now my mates friend is havign suicidal thoughts, yes shes thirteen and shes having the hormone problems, but the girl having the siezures is dumping her problems and her to, becasue the rest of us girls in our year and really at the point where we can't take anymore. i thought i could trust her we used to be close and now i have days where i know i shouldn't be feeling like this but i feel like i coiuld hit her and not stop. she dumps all her problems on a thriteen year old and acts like one when shes fifteen and she is being offered help by the school chaplain and the hospitals want to keep her in but she doesn't care and she flaunts that. she brags about no taking her tablets and she does everything shes not meant to. she brags about not eating, but the help is being offered and shes not taking it and shes making everythinhg worse. not just for herself, but for those around her.  and i can't take much more of this,  i have my own problems and so do some of the other girls in my year, we aren't getting the help we need or the help other people need, beacsue the school ahve to drop everythign for this one girl who shouldn't even be at school. i know im sounding really bitchy and ungrateful, but things are at the point where she needs to grow up or leve our school shes affecting us and we our affecting others because we have to put up with her. everytime she fainted or had a seizure it was me and my other best mate, now its some thriteen year olds, the school didn't even offer to talk about what happened with us, when it first started when we were in yr 8(in yr ten at the moment) its taking its toll on the rest of us year 10s and we shouldn't be the ones whose responsibiltiy it is to look after her and school shouldn't have to put up with it either. shes just so ungrateful for everything people do for her. im started to not care aboiut what happens to her. and i know i shouldn't be thinking this way, but no cares about me or my classmates because of her taking all the attention. i guess i just want someone to care about me and want to try to understand whta i've been through. i know its selfish, but i have done nothign but help others and i know that im not in it for a return favour, but i wish someone would do something nice for me without having being told to or feel abliged to do it. i guess im just over everything being so centered around a selfish person whose ungrateful.

thats my rant for the night, thanks
 

[arus]

How about a giant hug from me   Is that nice enough?  Seeing as I never hug, lol, you should feel pretty special now

It's a tough life, isn't it, and often so very unfair.  You will find many people like that in the world. You know what you need to do?  Pray for them.  Yups, Pray that Papa will come into their lives and make them better souls.

hard to do, I know, but you will feel better afterwards!

xx

[Chris T]

Heatbroken,

I was just listening to Bob Dylan today " I walk out of the darkness into the shadow of doubt"

As you come closer to Papa and start walking with Him you see the truth about yourself and others...sometimes I want to give everyone I meet a big hug, and sometimes I want to run for my cave because I get anxious and overwhelmed

So I cast all my anxiety, doubts, fears, ambitions, wants, hurts on Papa - sometimes I am praying in the morning, and then sometimes in my car (which makes me look I am probably on my cell phone - but, hey, we are a peculiar peoples right?)

Take this prayer to your heart and hold it there for a little bit - Papa is no longer angry with you and there is NOTHING you can do to make Papa stop loving you. We live in a broken mirror looking glass world and Papa is over all of it and yearns for our fellowship - and looks forward to hearing from us.

I did not have a Father like that growing up - and just lately Papa has been changing my heart so please excuse me iI am a WIP 

Arus is dead on - start praying for your friends and loved ones, let God hear about it and take it from me - cussing and screaming and getting mad are acceptable with Papa or I would have been a pillar of ashes a long time ago

Please make yourself at home - I will leave the light on for ya

Chris T

[Heartbroken]

im typing this at school so its short, thanks for the hug Arus, and Chris i have been praying for those things and to try to understand everything, but things aren't always that easy. but thanks for the advice, and Chris you have good taste in music. bye for now.

[jen1970]

Honeybun,

I'm at work right now, so I can't type much. But I wanna say that you are taking really big courageous steps to try and understand this situation.  I'm really proud of you for reaching out. You are the same age as my daughter.

Just give yourself the time and space to process your feelings and emotions. Nothing about life seems easy sometimes my lovely, that's why we need Papa.  I'll check in again tonight my lovely when I'm at home.

Hang in there gorgeous, you are doing so so well.

big kiss
jen x

[Chris T]

You are so right my friend - our time on Earth is a struggle. And some would say that when Bob Dylan sings he's having a struggle belting out the lyrics with his sand papered vocal cords  



So here is the good news. You are not denying this pain and burying your emotions - you are being honest and speaking from your heart. Keep working this out and let Papa know how you really feel. And if you don't feel like praying - no worries - Papa still digs you  ;

Hang in there,

Chris

[jen1970]

OOoops me again! lol

Another sneaky post, I just wanna reiterate what Chris said.  Papa knows it might be hard for you right now to talk with him about everything.  But the really cool thing is He can see right into your heart, and digs you anyway.  He is a gentleman, He'll sit and wait for you, days, weeks...however long it takes for you to feel comfortable to open up to Him. He has a gorgeous smile on His face, while He waits. Hey, I dig you too babycakes, big time! In the meantime, we are here for you.

You and Papa have time to work this out, take any pressure off yourself that you might have put upon your broken heart.

Sometimes, all you can do is just breathe.  I know that feeling, when nothing makes sense and your world is torn in two and spinning you out. Is there some music you can immerse yourself in that soothes your soul? What can you do that will give you a little release from this pain? Have a wee think.  Music is the soundtrack of my life, I always turn to music, reaches right into my soul and embraces it. 

big kiss
jen x

[Heartbroken]

in English at the moment, things are so boring in South Australia at the moment. thanks for the advice everyone, will talk later bye xx
p.s. my real name's Michelle